you're never nothing if you didn't disappear

Like the second week of college i felt this huge rush of independence and confidence, but it has all gone away and i miss it. i feel like i have no friends here and im just always sitting in my room. now obviously i could change that by just going out right? nah, its not that easy for me. so i drown myself in these books (school related and twilight, duh :D) and movies and music and doing nothing, which wouldnt be too bad but then i get obsessive over things i'll never have, like a child. and that makes me a FREAK. i need someone to take away my freakness, please? i have nothing to look forward to so i mark ridiculous things on my calendar just to make the time go faster, its like i'm living day to day with nothing substantial to look forward to, and when i do have something to look forward to i can't remember it after it passes, because im too busy thinking and worrying about other stuff. vicious.
I really only spend like 4 days at school, cause i go home fridays pretty early, spend friday-sunday there, and i don't come back until monday morning. but the weekends here are boring, for sheezy.
anyways, i don't think im a depressed person, i just need something to occupy my time that has the potential to make me genuinely happy, not just the release date of the Twilight movie.
also, i was doing SO good at the beginning of the semester, and now i'm nosediving into C minuses. obviously i can easily change that with more studying but i'm never going to get the grades i want, my fault though, but its just so discouraging. whatevs.

"i can be alone, yeah i can watch a sunset on my own."

another head aches, another heart breaks, i'm so much older than i can take.

Whoever created the saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me" must have given up on everything. Words hurt more, comfort more, and connect more with me than any bat, rub on the back, or hug ever will. Of course, me being the person I am, I am referring mostly to lyrics of songs I've been listening to lately. The genius behind these lyrics forever stuck in my head simply blows my mind. I can't even explain to you how some music make me feel. Lame huh? I can't help it. Words are the fucking shit. There is no better way of self expression than to write a poem, mostly the ones that don't rhyme, but are just splatters of thoughts randomly thrown on paper.
listen to Everything is Borrowed by The Streets.


on another note:
people continue to get dumber and dumber. i wasn't aware how hard it was for people to just open their minds, really, are you that subborn? what is the point of living without an open mind, how boring that must be.

ALSO, on a much more tween note:
Twilight comes out SO soon, never have i ever read a book and been so caught up in the story. the movie is going to be fantastic no matter how much it sucks, because i have that connection with the book, can't help it. i'm way too obsessed, way too obsessed.
did you know that most moives have 600 or so shots, where Requiem for a Dream had over 2,000... thats fucking bangin, that movie was put together ridiculously well. thats what i want to do with my life, make movies, but the question is am i original enough? yeah i can appreciate these things, but can i create them? that would literally be the most outstanding thing ever.

love.love.love.