Like the second week of college i felt this huge rush of independence and confidence, but it has all gone away and i miss it. i feel like i have no friends here and im just always sitting in my room. now obviously i could change that by just going out right? nah, its not that easy for me. so i drown myself in these books (school related and twilight, duh :D) and movies and music and doing nothing, which wouldnt be too bad but then i get obsessive over things i'll never have, like a child. and that makes me a FREAK. i need someone to take away my freakness, please? i have nothing to look forward to so i mark ridiculous things on my calendar just to make the time go faster, its like i'm living day to day with nothing substantial to look forward to, and when i do have something to look forward to i can't remember it after it passes, because im too busy thinking and worrying about other stuff. vicious.
I really only spend like 4 days at school, cause i go home fridays pretty early, spend friday-sunday there, and i don't come back until monday morning. but the weekends here are boring, for sheezy.
anyways, i don't think im a depressed person, i just need something to occupy my time that has the potential to make me genuinely happy, not just the release date of the Twilight movie.
also, i was doing SO good at the beginning of the semester, and now i'm nosediving into C minuses. obviously i can easily change that with more studying but i'm never going to get the grades i want, my fault though, but its just so discouraging. whatevs.
"i can be alone, yeah i can watch a sunset on my own."
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i know exactly how you feel. exactly. when i first got here (after i got over my initial crisis) i met a lot of cool people and was really busy with things that were planned for me. then once autumn term started, i had tons of free time and nothing to do with it. my suggestion, and it's going to sound dumb, but you should join a club or society or start a movie night with people or something. it will give you something to work for and look forward to and be proud of. trust me, it pays off so much, and will make you a lot happier :) also, try to limit yourself to going home every other weekend, just try it for like a month and see if you can find something to do on campus!
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